Coming Soon (Whether You Like It Or Not)

9643 Sardis Road, Matthews, NC 28105

Where Nearly 400 Trees and a 2-Acre Pond Once Thrived

An exclusive new community featuring complete deforestation, a filled-in pond with dying fish, and maximum developer profits

Join Our Involuntary Neighbor List

Experience True Modern Efficiency

Welcome to Summerfleeced at Summerfield, where we've redefined luxury living by removing all the expensive parts. Nestled on what was once a thriving hardwood forest in charming Matthews, North Carolina, our intimate collection of just 15 homes proves that when it comes to development, less (spending) is more (profit).

Not only did we cut all the trees down, we're cutting corners too!

🏗️

Streamlined Foundations

Why waste money on basements or crawl spaces? Our innovative slab-on-grade construction means your home sits directly on the earth—just like nature intended, if nature intended strip-mall construction techniques. Bonus: when you have a plumbing issue, you'll get to tear up your concrete floors and pay thousands to jackhammer through to reach the pipes!

📐

Proven Cookie-Cutter Design

Timeless uniformity meets modern cost-efficiency. Each home features the exact same floor plan, ensuring none of your neighbors feel special. Why pay architects for creativity when one blueprint does it all?

🌳

Comprehensive Land Clearing

We didn't let a single one of the nearly 400 mature hardwood trees stand in the way of progress. Total deforestation means total development freedom. Who needs shade in North Carolina anyway?

💰

Budget-Conscious Landscaping

With under $50,000 invested in landscaping across all 15 homes (that's less than $3,500 per lot!), we've proven that greenery is overrated. Some developers spend more on a single property—how wasteful!

🤝

Guaranteed Neighborhood Relations

Your adjacent neighbors will absolutely love watching 18 months of construction noise, dust, and heavy equipment right next to their homes. Nothing says "good neighbor" like clear-cutting their view and filling the air with diesel fumes!

💵

Timber Revenue Optimization

Those ~387 mature hardwood trees weren't just in the way—they were profit! Including one majestic specimen measuring 122 inches in circumference. At market rates for premium sawlogs, that's potentially $400,000+ in timber revenue before a single house was even built.

Step Inside "Luxury"

Professional staging can make anything look upscale. Here's what you might be getting:

Staged interior of Summerfield home

Staged interior photo. Furniture and decor typically do not convey with home purchase.

🪵

Exposed Ceiling Beams

Marketed as "rustic luxury charm," but really just unfinished structure. Why pay to drywall the ceiling when you can call exposed framing a "design feature"? The 1990s called—they want their look back.

🗄️

Builder-Grade Oak Cabinets

That classic honey oak finish straight from a 1998 spec home catalog. No soft-close hinges, no custom sizing, no premium hardware. Just the cheapest big-box cabinets that technically count as "wood."

🏗️

Open Concept Floor Plan

Sounds modern and trendy, right? It's also the cheapest way to build—fewer walls means less framing, less drywall, less labor. Your "great room" is really just "great savings" for the developer.

💡

Basic Flush-Mount Lighting

The most generic ceiling fixtures available at your local hardware store. No recessed lighting, no designer fixtures, no dimmer switches. Just builder-basic illumination that gets the job done.

🪑

Professional Staging

All this beautiful furniture that makes it feel like a home? None of it conveys. You get empty rooms with builder beige walls. But hey, at least you know it CAN look nice with $15,000 worth of staging!

⚪

White Appliances Package

Notice those basic white appliances in the kitchen? The most economical choice available. No stainless steel, no matching suite, no premium features. Just the bare minimum to make it technically "move-in ready."

What "Premium Pricing, Budget Finishes" Actually Means

Professional photography and staging can make builder-grade materials look upscale. But when you're paying luxury prices, you might expect more than exposed ceiling joists marketed as "character," oak cabinets from the Clinton administration, and the cheapest appliances that technically meet code. This is what happens when maximum profit meets minimum investment— all wrapped in a pretty staging package that disappears the day you close.

Developer Wisdom

Exclusive quotes from leadership (satirical - obviously)

"I fell out of a tree once, hit my head on every branch on the way to the ground. Ever since I've hated trees."

— Anonymous Developer (fictional)

"It's like ordering a luxury home off of Wish.com."

— Anonymous Neighbor (real quote)

"Fish? Birds? They're free to move. We're providing them with valuable 'relocation incentives' in the form of bulldozers and dump trucks."

— Project Manager (fictional)

"Migratory birds looking confused? That's just nature's way of saying 'adapt or perish.' We're teaching them valuable life lessons about change."

— VP of Sustainability (fictional)

"The smell from the decomposing fish? We prefer to call that 'authentic organic aromatherapy.' It's very trendy."

— Marketing Director (fictional)

"Sure, we could have preserved some trees and worked around the pond. But have you seen the profit margins on slab foundations? Trees don't pay dividends."

— CFO (fictional)

Disclaimer: These quotes are satirical fiction for comedic effect. No one actually said these things (we hope).

The Truth: See It From Above

While marketing materials show pristine renderings, drone footage tells a different story. This is what an "exclusive luxury development" actually looks like—complete clearcut with trees, logs, and organic matter buried on-site. Burying organic material creates serious long-term risks: as wood decomposes underground, it can cause ground settling, foundation instability, sinkholes, and void formation. This decomposition process can take decades, potentially affecting structural integrity long after construction is complete.

Interactive drone survey of the construction site. Notice the complete absence of trees.

What They Say:

"Ideally located on Sardis Road in charming Matthews"

What That Means:

Next to existing neighborhoods who endured a year of destruction and now face at least 18 more months of construction—despite dozens of neighbors expressing distaste for the development and its methods

What They Say:

"Limited collection of just 15 distinctive homes"

What That Means:

15 identical floor plans crammed onto a clear-cut lot

What They Say:

"Quality craftsmanship and upscale finishes"

What That Means:

Slab foundations and builder-grade everything to maximize profit margins

By The Numbers

Let's talk about what "exclusive luxury" really means:

~387
Mature Hardwood Trees Removed
Every single one. Zero preservation.
$50k
Total Landscaping Budget
For 15 homes. That's $3,333 per lot.
0
Basements or Crawl Spaces
100% slab-on-grade construction—the cheapest foundation method available, saving developers thousands per home
1
Floor Plan Design
Copy, paste, repeat 14 times
2
Acres of Pond Destroyed
Migratory bird stopover eliminated, fish left to die
0
Wildlife Habitat Preserved
Birds, squirrels, and other creatures evicted
0
Consideration for Neighbors
Already living next door
~$400k
Estimated Timber Revenue
From selling ~387 mature hardwood trees, including one 122" circumference specimen
∞
Developer Profit Maximization
The only number that matters

Construction Methods That Maximize ROI

  • Slab Foundations: The absolute cheapest foundation method available—saving developers $15,000-$30,000 per home compared to basements or crawl spaces. Homeowners get no storage space, no protected utility access, and no ability to finish additional living space later. Just a concrete pad poured directly on dirt. But the developer's profit margin? Maximized.
  • Complete Clear-Cutting: Working around existing trees costs money. Why preserve natural beauty and wildlife habitat when bulldozers are faster?
  • Pond Elimination: A 2-acre pond that served as a migratory bird stopover filled in without relocating aquatic life. Fish left to die and decompose, creating a nauseating smell for surrounding neighbors. Migratory birds now circle the barren mud looking for the water that sustained them. Water features are expensive to maintain anyway.
  • Minimal Landscaping: Many homeowners spend $50k landscaping their individual property. We spent that on 15 homes combined.
  • Identical Designs: One set of architectural plans, one set of construction crews on autopilot, maximum efficiency.
  • Premium Pricing: Despite budget construction methods, homes will be priced at market rate for "luxury" developments.

Environmental Impact? What Environmental Impact?

Before: A Mature Forest Ecosystem

Nearly 400 hardwood trees (approximately 387), some several decades old. A 2-acre pond that served as a stopover for migratory birds season after season. Home to songbirds, woodpeckers, squirrels, fish, and countless other species. Nesting sites. Food sources. Natural cooling for the neighborhood. Carbon sequestration. All that inconvenient nature stuff.

After: Maximum Efficiency

Barren dirt. Zero shade. Zero wildlife habitat. Pond filled in—fish left to die and decompose in the sun, creating a horrendous stench for neighbors. Migratory birds recently observed circling the mud-filled crater, looking quizzically for the lush pond that sustained them for years. Maximum heat island effect. Increased stormwater runoff. All those birds and animals? Someone else's problem now. But hey, 15 houses fit perfectly when you don't have to work around trees and ponds!

What Could Have Been Different?

Many modern developments preserve mature trees, incorporate them into landscaping, and use them as selling points. Some developers even pay premiums for lots with established trees because buyers value them. But that would require:

  • Careful site planning (costs money)
  • Custom home placement (costs money)
  • Tree protection during construction (costs money)
  • Giving a damn about anything other than profit (priceless, but apparently not worth it)

Where's The Accountability?

Matthews has enforced tree protection... selectively.

Tale of Two Developments

Proximity Matthews (2019)

  • • ~200 trees mistakenly cleared
  • • $50,000 fine from Town of Matthews (maximum allowed)
  • • $100,000 voluntary payment for replanting & enhanced landscaping
  • • Required revised landscaping plan
  • • Public accountability and enforcement

Sources: Town of Matthews, WFAE, WCNC

Summerfield (2024-2025)

  • • ~387 trees removed (nearly DOUBLE)
  • ✗ $0 in fines from Town of Matthews
  • ✗ No voluntary mitigation
  • ✗ No enhanced landscaping requirements
  • • Complete clearing apparently permitted without consequence

Questions for Town of Matthews:

  • Why was Proximity Matthews fined $50,000 for clearing ~200 trees, but Summerfield faces no penalty for removing nearly 400?
  • What tree protection ordinances, if any, apply to the Summerfield development?
  • Were all required permits obtained before clearing began?
  • Will Matthews enforce its own tree protection standards consistently, or only selectively?

Join Our "VIP" List

Be the first to know when these cookie-cutter homes hit the market at premium prices!

Just kidding. This is a parody website created by concerned neighbors.

We're not selling houses. We're highlighting how a developer chose maximum profit over environmental responsibility and good neighborliness.

The actual development is called Summerfield by JP Orleans, at 9643 Sardis Road, Matthews, NC.